THE WORSE PARTY EVA

Do you have more fun scrapping dead corpses off a highway then bopping whilst a smart arse dj wanks all over the turn tables? Disappointed by unimaginative closet cases who take offense at rants about bodily fluids?! Over getting looked down on by prudes who don't appreciate your clandestine lust for midgets? Is the expense of supplying under dressed babes with sufficient cocktails to overcome their delusions of modesty leaving you poor, itchy and marinated in fake tan? Has your sexually indifferent feminist girlfriend turned out to be yet another closet heterosexual sex-negative man hater who says she'll f*** you only to take you home, slip into some flannie pj's and bitch about her ex?! Could you possibly endure yet another cosmic crystal healing patchouli infused gaia worshiping private school mummies boy that won't wear a franga because it 'blocks his kundalini' and refuses to pay for the abortion because of his stupid misogynistic judeo-christian pro life prejudice?!!! Disappointed every time you order a bottom sub twink online only to get a fat middle aged family man with photos of his children on the wall and his wife's name and face tattooed on his arse? Would you rather chew on used condoms then see another dummy sucking, glow stick waving dick stumble around in fat pants on more drugs than a cancer patient and less braincells than a seeping turd? Is your idea of a good time eating the rotten eggs frozen to the back of your fridge whilst wading in a pool of your own vomit and waiting for your junkie boyfriend to come home and rape your syphilitic **** without bothering to rip out your rotting tampon or would you prefer to get hit on by yet another ugly bogan with an over inflated sense of male sexual entitlement? Do the lesbian feminist whores who wrote this rant make you wanna masturbate with bleach in a confused battle of lust infused agony?? Well tough. No one cares if you have a good time, its just gonna cost you money and give you a rash. With DJs you have never heard of and music that's gonna hurt. Do yourself a favor. Don't Come! Clearly the worst night of the year to go out, the trauma begins on New Years Eve. If you wanna have a good time f*** off and stalk your ex at a better party. After ending 2009 with a night of sexual regret wake up to The Carnival of Rongness. Like sand in the lube, these are the worst days of your life. A day you will wanna forget with bloody period dramas, half hearted performances, dodgy rides, music to make your ears bleed and a fucking petting zoo. The agony will continue until the 2nd when we kick your sorry arse out. Sooooooo...... still chomping at the bit to discover the trauma for yourself? Well I can tell you that this party is gonna happen in Gippsland... on a huge lake on a magnificent property... its a crap location for the worst party eva because it happens to be beautiful!!!! Expect to camp for 2-3 days. Bushy shady camping areas abound in my pants and in the hundred acre landscape. NO FIRES! Fire twirlers, pyromaniacs and dickheads with hero complexes will be shot. Alcoholic? BYO still and self loathing. This party is not for profit... Directions are simple... Just follow the Princes Hwy (A1) East passed Sale. Turn left at Fernbank Glenaladale Rd, follow for 10kms. Turn left at Honeysuckle Road, entrance is 3kms from this turn off. Its about a 3 hour drive, make it a family holiday! Address is.... 260 Honeysuckle Road Fernbank Party kicks off like an egg fart at 8pm new years eve. Make sure you tell your friends not to go!! If there is something you have always wanted to do, a performance so twisted, a collection of music so disturbing or a structure so loathed send an email to theworsepartyeva@gmail.com and we will give you special time on our exclusive casting couch and then probably tell you to get a life and f*** off to Sensation, try hards. So anyway, the naughtys are almost over and we have a line up of the most screwed up dick jams of the decade. There task is to dig deep into their most twisted back log of random shit core noise repetitive dance nostalgia disco glam tech hard core cheese and vomit it directly into your squishy minds.... they will include... The disgustingly disturbing Limp Meat The man with the puss Mittons 90's glam tech dance stars Latoya and Shazam The horribly appropriate Yellow Pages DJ Samuel L. Bronkowicz aka d-JCB riding decks like well lubricated rod Discreet rear Ntrance STD1 probably contangous Technical Difficulties She will climb you like a red wood Tinkus Max Tampon squasher Hate Killer The permanently smelly Kunt Rag Big fat Schmorgasm Slap chop knock before you enter RuDi Ya Mum playing the gold FM tape The drop out Pink Sock I wouldn't go in after her Tub Girl Comes after k, its LMNOP Going down with the boat Pirate Spazzo Casio Rapman & Celebrity special guest There are more but I guess you will find out when you get there xx